A Trip Down Marriage Lane

This Friday, my husband and I will be married 16 years.  So, so, so much has been packed into those 16 years.  I went in to this marriage with so many expectations and looking back, the image and idea of what a marriage should be was warped by my first marriage and the marriages I had witnessed growing up.   I was confused on what love looked like and how it felt to be loved unconditionally, respected, valued and cherished by a spouse.  Through these years I have learned unconditional love DOES exist, you can fight and still be loved when the day is done, team work is a powerful and so many other truths.

Doug and I grew up in the same town, went to the same schools and graduated in the same class.  I didn’t know him well all those years but word has it, he had a crush on me in elementary school.  I married my first husband a year after I graduated high school.  My first marriage was not a healthy relationship.  A good portion of that marriage was toxic but I gained 3 great blessings from those painful years.  The first blessing I gained was experience.  Past experience showed me what deal breakers were when it came to relationships and I was pretty solid on what I would and absolutely would NOT put up with.   My two children were the most important blessings that came from that marriage.  I couldn’t imagine one second without those two human beings.

After my divorce I bought a house! My own house and living on my own for the first time in my life was thrilling and empowering.   Money was tight and there were times I would go to bed hungry while my babies slept in their beds with full bellies and other times I would sit frozen with fear because bills were piling up and I had no clue what to do.  At the end of the day, my kids were fed, we had a warm and cozy home and cuddle time with those babies was the therapy I needed.

Several months after buying my little home, I started dating a guy that lived right across the street.  I couldn’t believe how sweet this guy was.  He treated me like a queen and loved my children.  On many occasions he would drop what he was doing, run across the street and slay the mice that held my kids and I captive on the back of my couch!  I fell hard for this guy and was thrilled when he asked me to marry him.  Doug and I got married on November 23, 2002.

These past years have not been easy.  There have been many tears and many arguments.  Our 2 oldest kids are on their own now but those teen years were extremely challenging and difficult and had a very negative affect on our marriage.  We weren’t on the same page on how to deal with those difficulties and it bruised our relationship.   I have experienced serious depression and chose some toxic ways to deal with the pain that put strain on our daily life.  We have both been stubborn, prideful, resentful, disrespectful and all the other short falls that go along with being human and being married.

There are some key factors that played a huge part in the success of our marriage that I can clearly see and appreciate as I look back.  Our faith is number one.  We started going to church together when we were dating.  We pray together and we have always prayed with our children.  We know, for a fact, God has blessed our marriage and will continue to bless it.

Belly laughs and acting a fool is a must in our home.  Humor changes everything! I can think back and remember tough times but in the end, the good times are what come to mind first and there are soooooo many.  We have a ton of “inside jokes” from past experiences.  My family can find humor in almost any situation.  There’s nothing better than laughing so hard your belly and cheeks hurt.

Forgiveness, tolerance, understanding, grace….all these things are important in our marriage.  It’s all a work in progress.  I don’t like him all of the time but I sure do love him.  We have built an awesome life and home together.  Here’s to many, many more years together.  Happy Anniversary,  Douglas Robert Belshe.