Forgiveness: It's For You, Not Them

Before you read this post, I want you to think of that person who has hurt you, abused you, lied to you, cheated on you or has done something to you that you feel was unjust and unforgivable….I’ll wait….

Now that you have that person or people in mind….I want you to focus on the feelings you have as you think of them and what they did.  Is your blood starting to boil a little?  Are you thinking of the words you would like to say to them or the punishments you wish on them?  Do you want to call someone up and tell them how bad this person is and unload on them all the horrible things they did and said to you hoping the person you are talking to hates them as much as you?

While these feelings and thoughts are disturbing your inner peace, the person you are upset at is living his or her life daily, laughing, enjoying themselves, hanging out with friends and not giving a second thought to your feelings.  So who is suffering here?  It’s you.  It’s high time to rid yourself of this torture and you can do this by forgiving!  What’s that you say?  They don’t DESERVE your forgiveness?  No.  They probably don’t.  But, forgiveness is not for them….it’s for you.

Forgiveness does not justify what this person did to you.  Forgiveness means you are not allowing the other person and their actions to overpower you anymore, steal your joy, to affect your daily life and quite honestly, NOT forgiving keeps you connected to that person emotionally.  It takes an act of surrender within yourself and it may take several attempts but you can do it and you will feel SOOOO much better once you’ve done it.

Sometimes we get stuck in the victim mode and holding on to anger is almost a comfort.  You have an excuse to accept sympathy and to be miserable.  We have someone to blame for our misery.  We need to to willing to let that go and surrender ourselves to peace.

As I type this I will admit to you that I am not perfect and I have work to do in my own life.  But understanding forgiveness helps the process along and just knowing it’s for my own peace and not condoning the other person helps quite a bit.  God forgives us daily and sent His son so that we may be forgiven.  I will close with a verse that helps me and hopefully it helps you too.

“Do not judge and you will not be judged.  Do not condemn and you will not be condemned.  Forgive and you will be forgiven.  Luke 6:37