Lord, Help Me Be A Nice Person

I’m getting old.  I can see it physically (I smelled chocolate yesterday and gained 6 lbs), I can FEEL it physically (No, Susan, I’m not popping popcorn, my knees are trying to support my body as I climb the stairs),  I can sense it mentally (now…why did I walk into this room???) and my attitude is changing in a way that seriously HAS TO BE age related (Don’t LOOK AT ME in that tone of voice!).

I’m pretty sure these changes started about 4 years ago after the complete hysterectomy.  The timeline gets a little blurred because the hot flashes forced my eyeballs to sweat.  So I guess you could say the physical changes were the first to hit.  I’d ask my husband but his brain suffered frost bite from sleeping in 20 below temperatures at night…. about 4 years ago.

I don’t enjoy working out.  I wish I loved it.  Several of my friends enjoy posting pictures of themselves after a good workout, posting how much weight they’ve lost and expressing the pride they feel after all the work they’ve put in to their body.  I always look at those pictures very, very closely.  I want to make sure they are taking these pictures willingly.  What if they are trying to LOOK happy but are actually sending secret signals  with their eyes or they wrote “help me” in the sweat on their selfie arm?  I am so proud of you if you love it and if you hate it, text me and I’ll come get you and buy you a margarita.  I’ve got you!

Mentally.  Lets talk about that for a minute.  It’s funny how someone can look me in the eyes and speak to me and I’m looking into their eyes and I’m listening.  When they are done speaking,  I, then, blankly stare at them trying to put those words together in an intellectual sentence but those words .. they fall into a pile in my brain and make no sense at all.  This is happening while I am trying to remember your name. That is just embarrassing.  But there is something else that has come up recently and when it happened I was devastated and knew for sure I was on a downhill slide.  My best friend and I went gravel roading to de-stress.  We were blasting the music and…..yes it’s true….I forgot the words to “Ice, Ice Baby.  Folks! I had to pull up the lyrics.  Word to yo mutha.

The final and most annoying age related revelation is my attitude.  I used to roll with the tide, give people 20 chances, give people the benefit of the doubt and I was very good at keeping my mouth firmly shut when receiving B.S. and listening to non-sense.  I am finding these sweet qualities fading away bit by bit by bit.  No longer are the days when someone askes for my opinion and I give them a kinder version of the truth or a full on sweet lie.  Nope.  I now give the sugar free version.  My patience has left the building so I am now getting annoyed a little quicker.  If I know you are lying to my face, my face will in turn, tell you that you are ridiculous and the lack of control of my facial expressions are becoming a hinderance.

I find myself praying very, very often asking…begging the Lord to help me be a nice person.  Help me control my facial expressions.  Help me love people through their loud chewing, constant talking and see through leggings.  Help me not talk smack and not talk back.  Actually, just help me keep my mouth shut in general.  Help me give freely and with joy.   Give me patience.  I am so far from perfect, Lord, because you saw me stuff 10 cookies down my hatch…you know those cookies that were baked to brighten someone else’s day but I whispered under my breath that they wouldn’t notice because they didn’t know the original amount?  Hopefully I will age gracefully and I won’t be that old lady that yells at kids that walk into her yard.