Parents, Take it Easy On Yourselves

Parenting…the HARDEST job in the world!  I have 4 kids and each have totally different personalities, needs, wants, dreams and strengths.  The very second I found out I was pregnant with each of them I fell in love with them instantly.  I did the very best I could to teach them manners and show them they were loved every chance I got.  Kissed their boo boo’s, cuddled, snuggled, wrestled around and cheered them on while they were in sports and trying new things.

I have made many mistakes as a parent.  We all have.  Nobody is perfect and you make decisions in the moment or you lose your temper in frustration and we wish we could take it back the minute we realize it wasn’t the best way to handle things.  We can make lists and lists of things we know we did that we wish we could take back or change.   There are no step by step guides out there that tell you how to parent that guarantee your children will turn out to be mature, respectable, polite people who treat others with respect and take responsibility for their actions, not blame others for their own choices and contribute in a positive way in society.

What happens if our children DON’T turn out the way we were hoping?  What happens if the choices they make disappoint you and their attitudes and personalities aren’t so pleasant?  What happens if they leave the home and you have to watch them struggle or make decisions that worry you or they hate you and won’t talk to you because they blame you for everything that is bad in their lives and they aren’t mature enough yet to see they are the only one’s with the power to change that negative mentality? I’ll tell you what happens most of the time….We blame ourselves as parents.  But should we?

Nope.  Stop it.  Stop blaming yourself.  And don’t let anyone else out there blame you either!  Showing love to your kids, disciplining them when needed, listening when they need someone to talk to, protecting them to the best of your ability from harmful people or situations, giving them some room to choose and fail and learn from those mistakes….all of these things are what good parents do.  We make mistakes along the way and depending on the child, they will recover, forgive and move on or they will choose to use those mistakes against you, blame you and use the negative to manipulate and create excuses for their choices.

What can we do when we feel our kids hate us, blame us or turn out totally different than what we imagined they would?

My first suggestion is to pray for your children every night.  Pray for safety, for their future spouses, for their choices.   Give them to God.

My second suggestion is no matter how awesome or how nasty they are acting….remind them that you love them no matter what.  If your child has moved out or has a nasty attitude that reminds you why mama animals eat their young out in the wild…still remind them when you can that you love them.  It will more than likely sink in at some point when they choose to no longer let that anger consume them.

Please find support.  It always helps me to talk to other parents who are struggling and in many instances, I have found we all end up chuckling over our short comings.  It’s nice to know you aren’t the only parent out their who is overwhelmed and feel you have no right answers to the decisions your making daily to raise these kiddos.

Do something for YOU that is not parent related.  Take a break, for the love of Pete…whoever Pete is!  Work out, go out with some friends, float around in a pool, read…anything.  Just take a break.

In closing I just wanted to tell you that you are a good mom.  You are a good dad.  You are doing your very best and in the end, it’s the child’s choice on what kind of person they want to be and it’s THEIR choice on how successful they are.  Do your best and be there for your kids when they fall and be sure to tell the people in your life that you love them every chance you get!