Poem Describing Depression

I wrote this poem in 2012.  I was very depressed and couldn’t pull myself out of it.  I have been fighting depression mixed with hypomania for 2 weeks now and found this poem I wrote 5 years ago and wanted to share it for anyone who does not know what depression feels like and is dedicated to all who suffer.

Held Captive – 2012 –

I’m falling, falling, falling

Slipping down, down, down

I hear my bed calling

Nobody is around

I wish they understood

As I start to feel alone

I’ve done all I could

Tired deep to the bone

My limbs feel like stone

I am crying all the time

My thoughts are negative tones

Feeling this bad should be a crime

They say I should get over it

That everybody had their issues

My dare, if they will accept it

Is to come walk in my shoes

To feel this sadness in depth

And to feel there’s no way out

I feel in prison I’m kept

No one hears my shouts

This goes on it seems too long

Will it ever end?

Faking my smile to be strong

Not sure if I’m convincing my friends

Eventually the sadness lifts

The crying slows a bit

The negative thoughts slowly drift

Out of no where, a smile hits

To anyone who wants to say

This depression I can control

Please, let me know when you’re a saint

We can trade shoes and take a stroll

I have Bi Polar and Summer is a trigger and is very common amongst bi polar sufferers.  I found an explanation on the Everyday Health site and would like to share it.  My depression is currently is mixed with hypomania.

“Some people with bipolar disorder can track their moods by looking at the calendar: If winter is coming, they can expect to have seasonal depression. If it’s spring, they might experience mania or hypomania.

“This seasonal component is related to the amount of sunlight,” says Melvin McInnis, MD, director of psychiatry programs at the University of Michigan Depression Center in Ann Arbor. “In the wintertime, people are more depressed. The patient says, ‘Every January, I start to go down.’ Then in the spring, the amount of sunlight destabilizes their mood to the point of them becoming manic and hypomanic. We [doctors] often refer to the ‘manic month of May.’”

I feel this is a cruel joke because Summer is my favorite season.  I’m going to keep pushing on and I’m going to fight this and try to stay busy.  I am strong.  I will win!