Signs of Depression You Didn't Know

I read an article today that really hit home.  I felt I had to hop on my blog and talk about it.  When you think of depression, what do you envision?  Is it someone laying in bed crying? Not able to function because they are so sad?  Sometimes, this is the case for sure.  No denying that.  Been there.  I have had to make the hard decision to hospitalize myself because functioning in my everyday life was becoming almost impossible.  But did you know depression comes in different forms?

One way depression rears it’s evil head is through anger.  The frustration and bottled up emotions are too much and everything annoys you and you will have a short fuse.  Every sound, everything that goes wrong makes you want to scream.  It’s very, very hard to control this anger.  In my case, someone chewing makes me want to throat punch them and I just have to walk away.

The article I read today talked about a different form of depression.  I want to paraphrase some of the characteristics this author talked about.  The characteristics remind me of the way my husband describes my personality.  He tells me often I light up a room when I walk in.  Whether that’s true or not, I have no clue.  He says my smile and outgoing personality makes others smile.  He also says I put others at ease because I relate to them and have empathy for others that are hurting or anyone that needs help.  The empathy part is very true.  I tend to feel what others feel.  Sometimes this is not a good thing because if someone is hurting, I hurt.

The form of depression I want to talk about is very deceiving because the person suffering is smiling, laughing, functioning and could possibly be the life of the party.  They are active in the community, the first to offer help when needed.  It could be a mental health advocate who blogs and gives advice but on the other side of the screen could have that black cloud hovering and could be silently suffering from sadness that is unbearable.

Now that I have learned coping skills and haven’t had to admit myself for 2 years (yay!), I still suffer from depression and this form is the most common for me.  I will go out in public and you would never know how sad I truly feel.  When I’m not around others the negative words in my head get the best of me and I am silently screaming wanting to be saved but nobody can save me.  I can’t save myself because I am not in control.  I have no energy because I have been working so hard that day convincing others there’s nothing wrong.

I recently got my fist tattoo.  My husband was furious and maybe it wasn’t the right decision to get it without his blessing.  I’m not sure.  My tattoo says Breath; and if you don’t know what the semi colon means, ask me.  I’ve had strangers come up to me to share their story because they suffer from depression and anxiety and I’m so happy to listen all because they saw my tattoo.  The semi colon means “my story isn’t over yet”.  I’ve shared in past posts that I have tried to take my own life several times because the sadness was too much and I believed I was a burden and everyone would be so much happier if I wasn’t around.  That is the biggest lie we believe when we are in the pit of depression! I’m proud of my  tattoo and am grateful when I can listen to others and share my own story.

I encourage you to talk to someone if you suffer from depression.  If you don’t want to share with someone you know because you are scared they won’t understand and you start to believe the lies in your head, please call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255.  They will listen and talk to you without judgement.

My wish for you is happiness, true happiness.  God bless every single one of you!