When It's Too Much; Stress Management

Have you ever been under so much stress you felt if one more thing happens, you were going to crack…then that one more thing ALWAYS happens?  I know I have and I’ve come to realize that life is messy and things don’t work out as planned.  Arguments happen, kids mess up, WE mess up, money is never there when you need it and people disappoint you on a regular basis.

I think managing stress in a positive way takes time to learn but once we figure it out, we can improve both our mental and physical health.  It takes practice but it really is possible to stay away from that ledge we feel we are teetering on at times.  I read an article Titles “Stress Management” written by Lawrence Robinson, Melinda Smith, M.A. and Robert Segal M.A. and they shared the four A’s: Avoid, Alter, Adapt and Accept.

AVOID unnecessary stress

1: Learn how to say “no”.  Know your limits and stick to them.  Whether in your personal or professional life, taking on more than you can handle is a surefire recipe for stress.  Distinguish between the “shoulds” and the “musts” and when possible, say “no” to taking on too much

2: Avoid people who stress you out.  If someone consistently causes stress in your life, limit the amount of time you spend with them or end the relationship.

3:  Take control of your environment.  If the evening news makes you anxious, turn off the TV.  If traffic makes you tense, take a longer but less traveled route.

4:  Pare down your “to do” list.  Analyze your schedule, responsibilities and daily tasks.  If you’ve got too much on your plate, drop tasks that aren’t truly necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely.

ALTER the situation.  IF you can’t avoid a stressful situation, alter it.  Often this involves changing the way you communicate and operate in your daily life.

1:  Express your feelings instead of bottling them up.  If something or someone is bothering you, be more assertive and communicate your concerns in an open and respectful way.  If you don’t voice your feelings, resentment will build and stress will increase.

2:  Be willing to compromise.  When you ask someone to change their behavior, be willing to do the same.  If you both are willing to bend a little, you’ll have a good chance of finding a happy middle ground.

3:  Create a balanced schedule.  All work and no play is a recipe for a burnout.  Try to find a balance between work and family life, social activities and solitary pursuits, daily responsibilities and down time.

ADAPT to the stressor.  If you can’t change the stressor, change yourself.  You can adapt to stressful situations and regain your sense of control by changing your expectations and attitude.

1:  Reframe problems.  Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective.  Rather than fuming about a traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup, listen to your favorite music or enjoy time alone.

2:  Look at the big picture.  Take perspective of the stressful situation.  Ask yourself how important it will be in the long run.  Will it matter in a month? A year?  Is it really worth getting upset over? If the anser is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.

3:  Adjust your standards.  Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress.  Stop setting yourself up for failure by demanding perfection.  Set reasonable standards for yourself and others and learn to be ok with “good enough”.

4:  Practice gratitude.  When stress is getting you down, take a moment to reflect on all the things you appreciate in life, including your own positive qualities and gifts.  This simple strategy can help you keep things in perspective.

ACCEPT the things you cannot change.  Some sources of stress are unavoidable.  You can’t prevent or change stress such as the death of a loved one, serious illness or a national recession.   In such cases, the best way to cope with stress is to accept things as they are.  Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run, it’s easier than railing against a situation you can’t change.

1:  Don’t try to control the uncontrollable.  Many things in life are beyond our control-particularly the behavior of other people.  Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems.

2:  Look for the upside.  When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth.  If your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes.

3:  Learn to forgive.  Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make mistakes.  Let go of anger and resentments.  Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving on.

4:  Share your feelings.  Expressing what you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation.  Talk to a trusted friend or make an appointment with a therapist.

Hopefully these pointers help you ease some of the stress in your life.   I found several things to work on and I am going to start right away!  As always, be kind to one another…you never know what someone else is going through.